To be young, to serve truth…

Reading a novel is one of my favorite things to do, and I’ve been able to enjoy some reading during my Spring Break. I’ve been reading The Brothers Karamazov for a few months (actually since the summer, but who’s counting?). I finally finished it. What a great book! There are some passages in that book that really moved me. It took a long time to read, but it was definitely worth it. Check it out from your local library if you want a good read.
I read this passage back in the summer, and it has stuck with me. Take a second to read it carefully, then I’ll explain why I find it significant.

…he was to a certain extent a young man of our own times, that is, honest by nature, demanding truth, seeking it, believing in it, demanding to serve it with all the strength of his soul, yearning for an immediate act of heroism and wishing to sacrifice everything, even life itself, for that act of heroism. Though, unhappily, these youths do not understand that the sacrifice of one’s life is in most cases perhaps the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to sacrifice, for instance, five or six years of their life, full of youthful fervor, to hard and difficult study, if only to increase tenfold their powers of serving truth so as to be able to carry out the great work they have set their hearts on carrying out - that such a sacrifice is very often almost beyond the strength of many of them.

The passage is the narrator describing a character named Alyosha, the hero of the story. Immediately when I read the passage I thought to myself, “That’s me! Or at least I want it to be.” I desperately wish to serve truth “with all the strength” of my soul. Sometimes when you’re memorizing the functions of Micro-tubules, or the structures of the 20 amino acids, it is difficult to feel like you are serving truth. In fact, at many times it feels pointless. I take comfort in this passage. Perhaps it is naive, but I truly believe I am sacrificing a few years of my life “to hard and difficult study” in order to better serve God later.

This is not to say that I cannot serve him now. This is not to say that I cannot serve truth now. But I need to recognize that God may be using this time in my life to prepare me for more difficult service at a later time.

Maybe God has you in a difficult place right now. Maybe you are frustrated with what you are doing. Maybe it seems pointless. Maybe you’re right. Or maybe, God has some big plans for you. Think about it.

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Doubt is Hard

I’ve been having a hard time with the whole faith thing recently. I can think of many reasons why this is the case. I haven’t been to church in three weeks, that’s pretty big. I haven’t been praying much or “getting into the Word” (I have to put that in quotations because that phrase is overused and I get cynical about those things). Part of it was reading the article about losing faith that I linked to earlier. That affected me more deeply than I originally thought. I’ve been doubting (ironic, I know, considering the name of the site) but not the way I wanted to.

I wanted to make the faith conversation intellectual by bringing “doubt” into it. Doubt sounds ok if you don’t think about what it really means. It sounds noble in quotes like “Faith without doubt is dead” but to really doubt, it’s actually not that much fun. It’s rough. It makes you question things you don’t really want to question. And when you doubt something as essential as your faith it really rocks the boat of your life.

I can write about it now because I see myself coming out of this. I’m starting to open up the conversation with God a little more now, and when you do that you’re bound to get a response. Is my faith stronger because I had this period of questions? Honestly, I don’t know. I want to say yes. What is most important right now is that my faith is still a part of my life. It still exists. Nothing like a little fire to test the faith right?

I think we owe it to God to seriously evaluate our faiths and really truly believe what we are professing. Are you tricking yourself? Are you afraid of doubting because you’re afraid of losing your faith? (Who isn’t?)

Really though, when you’re faith shapes and influences so much of your life, it’s terrifying to question. It’s difficult for me to imagine life without my faith. What would my family, my friends think of me? How long could I continue going to church and sing songs with lyrics that I didn’t believe?

So should we never question? I still have to say a resounding “no”. I think God wants a genuine faith, not a faith that only exists because of the security it provides. So question, doubt, discuss it with other people. It sucks. But you owe it to yourself, and to the big guy upstairs. Good luck.

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My faith journey

I was listening to a little old school Audio Adrenaline today (Underdog? Big House? - Classic.) and well, you know how music has that wonderful ability to bring back memories? Audio A got me a little nostalgic thinking back to around middle school. Specifically it reminded me about my faith at that time, and I started to examine how my ideas about the Christian faith have changed since then. So I thought I’d share just a few thoughts about my journey.

Life and the Christian faith was much simpler back then. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but that’s what it was. I was just stepping into an understanding of Christianity that I’d never had before as I started to grasp what having a relationship with God actually meant. I was attending a new church that talked about God in new ways and I started to be more committed about reading my Bible and attending youth group. It was a great time.

But oh how things change. I’m starting to wonder if there’s this curve with the faith journey. I thought that I would learn more and that the number of questions I had about faith would lessen as I gained more knowledge. But the opposite has happened. Questions either got more complicated or lead to more questions. Will there be a point in the future where the questions about faith will start to lessen? Maybe around 40? Will I start to figure things out eventually? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Is the Bible infallible?

Actually I’m very happy with where I’m at in faith right now, and although I have more questions than I had when I was in middle school, I feel that my faith is much more mature. I’ll give you a small example. Is the Bible infallible? Back then I would have probably said yes. Now I have to ask the question, what does the word infallible mean? I remember reading discussions about contradictions in the Bible. Many people have put a lot of effort into resolving details in the Bible that don’t seem to match up. For example, Judas’ death is described differently by Matthew in his gospel than by Luke in Acts. Can we allow for human error to come into the Bible? Is it possible that the writers are telling two stories that can’t be reconciled?

An Analogy

I submit that we can. I think we can even still say that the Bible is infallible, depending on your definition. Judas died, that much is clear. Is it reasonable to spend hours trying to reconcile two very short passages that describe the details differently? I don’t think so. It’s like two witnesses to a murder. They both identify the same murderer, but one says he wore a black shirt, and the other a blue. Is one lying? Should we discount both testimonies because they don’t agree on the details? Of course not. They identify the same murderer, and that is what’s most important.

So I’ve gone off on a little tangent. That’s just one small example of how my faith has changed. I still have tons of questions. But I love asking questions, I love exploring new viewpoints. I think a critical mind is a gift from God, and it’s the last thing we should put aside when examining our faith. How can looking at a Bible verse in a new way inhibit our faith? Depth comes from digging.

So while I’ve changed a ton since middle school, one thing hasn’t: I still think Audio Adrenaline rocks.

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Have you lost faith?

I read Digg a lot, and for a community with a large percentage of atheists and agnostics, there are a surprising number of popular submissions about religion. Many of the articles concerning religion are fairly negative, and you can really feel the hostility towards religion when you read the comments. I actually plan on writing a response to this animosity towards faith on Digg, but that’s not for today.

The article I found today is very relevant to the blog here. It’s called ”Religion beat became a test of faith”
The author is a writer for the LA Times and the article describes his faith journey.

I recommend reading it, but here is a short synopsis- the author describes a sincere acceptance of Christ in his late 20’s and then outlines the tests his faith endured as the religion beat writer for the Times. His jobs exposes him to the darkest sides of Christianity, he starts to realize he cannot reconcile his questions about faith, and he eventually comes to realize that he can no longer believe in God. It is a heartfelt article, more of a memoir than anything else. As a Christian it is difficult to read, especially as the author describes the extreme hypocrisy within the church.

He reported much about the Catholic church sex scandal, and that seemed to affect him deeply. He also wrote about the TV network TBN, and how it’s leaders and pastors lived in appalling luxury, taking money from people with the promise that God will bless them for their generosity.
He concludes with this,

“My soul, for lack of a better term, had lost faith long ago — probably around the time I stopped going to church. My brain, which had been in denial, had finally caught up.

Clearly, I saw now that belief in God, no matter how grounded, requires at some point a leap of faith. Either you have the gift of faith or you don’t. It’s not a choice. It can’t be willed into existence. And there’s no faking it if you’re honest about the state of your soul.”

In a sense I agree with him, belief does require a leap of faith. Faith is pretty much defined that way. But I struggle with his statement that “you either have the gift of faith or you don’t.” I cannot believe that to be true. I think everyone has the capacity for faith. Why do some believe and some not? I have ideas, but really I don’t know at all.

My own fear

The article struck me most of all because I could relate to the author. I have some of the same questions about faith, and one of my greatest fears is that my faith will fade. However, while I can see and lament the problems within the church, I also can see a lot of Christians doing things right. At school, I know many amazing people that are yearning to serve God the best way possible. We should never ignore our hypocrisy, but we should also shouldn’t forget when we do things right.

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The Problem with Capitalism

I recently read an article titled “What is Wrong with Capitalism? The Problem with the Problem with Capitalism” from the website The Other Journal. The Other Journal is an online magazine that focuses on discussions surrounding faith, culture, and social justice. I actually helped at an event that they sponsored in Seattle called Film, Faith and Justice.

I enjoyed reading the article, although it is a little wordy. Basically the author makes the argument that capitalism is wrong based on the way it corrupts human desire and relations. He says, “Not only does capitalism deform the desire of those who prosper or at least survive under its tutelage, it also distorts human relations, even of those who are excluded from its fruits. This is to say, even if capitalism elevated the poor, it would still be wrong on account of the way it corrupts human relations, rendering them antagonistic, competitive.”

Is Capitalism Evil?

Does capitalism make us overly competitive? Does it truly corrupt our desires? I would tend to agree with the author. Winning in our culture is triumphed above all else. Our success is determined by the amount of power we have, which is usually tied to how much money we have. Our career choices, our educational choices and even our relationship choices are often influenced by the desire to gain money and influence. As a high school student, the monetary benefits of going to college were drilled into me, as if those were the best (and only) benefits of getting a degree.

As Christians, should we support a system that promotes these desires? The author discusses an alternative, but not necessarily another economic system. The author says, “if the options are Marx or Smith, then I fear that capitalism’s proponents are right, capital may be the best we can do. Stubborn idealism notwithstanding, we humans have certainly not shown ourselves capable of the pelagian task of fulfilling the promise of (Marxist) socialism.”

Breaking free from the logic of Capitalism

However, while living within this system, we still have options. The church has been given gifts from God that we can use to circumvent the system and promote the Kingdom of God. The author identifies these gifts as the Works of Mercy and says that they “…are the ecclesial instantiation of the divine economy and this economy is already taking shape in our midst in countless ways and communities – in various alternative markets and co-op’s, houses of hospitality, sanctuary and jubilee movements, and gleaning projects, all of which engage in and encourage economic production and exchange according to a logic other than capitalist.”

We can live in a capitalist society, but that does not mean we have to live according to capitalist logic. I find that idea very freeing. It’s also comforting to realize that we don’t have to do this on our own. Our most powerful tools to combat poverty are not human ideas or inventions, but are our gifts from God. These are gifts of charity and hospitality, gifts that should inspire not only personal but systemic changes.

“Using” Capitalism

I can’t help but think about the idea of “using” capitalism. For me this is the idea of using the capitalist system to acquire wealth, but then use that wealth to help people. Something about it doesn’t sit right with me, although it is definitely tempting. Maybe it’s the fear that during one’s quest for that wealth the initial selfless desires succumb to the competitive and selfish desires that capitalism encourages. Do you have any thoughts?

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Faith and Doubt

Welcome to faithdoubt.com!
For my first post, I want to take the time to describe my vision for the site. If you like my ideas, I hope you’ll choose to return and join in the conversation.

Miguel de Unamuno said, “La fe sin duda es nada mas que muerte” which basically means, “Faith without doubt is dead.” I sincerely believe this to be true. Faith which does not question is stagnant, it does not grow. We must always be asking questions and seeking answers to stretch ourselves.

I am at a point in my life where I desire deeply to grow. I want this site to help people with that same desire. I don’t have all the answers, you don’t have all the answers, so why don’t we try and find some together?

Here is a sampling of the topics I’m interested in exploring-
Science and religion (Christianity in particular)
Hate towards religion and faith
Hate because of religion and faith
Scripture reflections
Medicine, Suffering and Christianity
Issues in Christianity
Poverty
Education
Church: what should it look like?
Aid and development
Charity
Politics
Books (quotes)
Relationships
Universalism
Theology

Those are just some ideas. I have many more.
So that’s it, I hope you decide to engage in the conversation. I hope to blog about once a day. Please leave comments on posts, and feel free to send me an email at krager21@spu.edu

Also, I don’t want this to be serious all the time, I want to have some fun too. On that note, I leave you with a quote from the great Michael Scott-
“People I respect… heroes of mine would be, Bob Hope. Umm, Abraham Lincoln definitely. Bono… and probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think, all those people helped, the world in so many ways that it’s umm really beyond words. It’s incalcucable.”

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