Doubt is Hard

I’ve been having a hard time with the whole faith thing recently. I can think of many reasons why this is the case. I haven’t been to church in three weeks, that’s pretty big. I haven’t been praying much or “getting into the Word” (I have to put that in quotations because that phrase is overused and I get cynical about those things). Part of it was reading the article about losing faith that I linked to earlier. That affected me more deeply than I originally thought. I’ve been doubting (ironic, I know, considering the name of the site) but not the way I wanted to.

I wanted to make the faith conversation intellectual by bringing “doubt” into it. Doubt sounds ok if you don’t think about what it really means. It sounds noble in quotes like “Faith without doubt is dead” but to really doubt, it’s actually not that much fun. It’s rough. It makes you question things you don’t really want to question. And when you doubt something as essential as your faith it really rocks the boat of your life.

I can write about it now because I see myself coming out of this. I’m starting to open up the conversation with God a little more now, and when you do that you’re bound to get a response. Is my faith stronger because I had this period of questions? Honestly, I don’t know. I want to say yes. What is most important right now is that my faith is still a part of my life. It still exists. Nothing like a little fire to test the faith right?

I think we owe it to God to seriously evaluate our faiths and really truly believe what we are professing. Are you tricking yourself? Are you afraid of doubting because you’re afraid of losing your faith? (Who isn’t?)

Really though, when you’re faith shapes and influences so much of your life, it’s terrifying to question. It’s difficult for me to imagine life without my faith. What would my family, my friends think of me? How long could I continue going to church and sing songs with lyrics that I didn’t believe?

So should we never question? I still have to say a resounding “no”. I think God wants a genuine faith, not a faith that only exists because of the security it provides. So question, doubt, discuss it with other people. It sucks. But you owe it to yourself, and to the big guy upstairs. Good luck.

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