Doubt is Hard

I’ve been having a hard time with the whole faith thing recently. I can think of many reasons why this is the case. I haven’t been to church in three weeks, that’s pretty big. I haven’t been praying much or “getting into the Word” (I have to put that in quotations because that phrase is overused and I get cynical about those things). Part of it was reading the article about losing faith that I linked to earlier. That affected me more deeply than I originally thought. I’ve been doubting (ironic, I know, considering the name of the site) but not the way I wanted to.

I wanted to make the faith conversation intellectual by bringing “doubt” into it. Doubt sounds ok if you don’t think about what it really means. It sounds noble in quotes like “Faith without doubt is dead” but to really doubt, it’s actually not that much fun. It’s rough. It makes you question things you don’t really want to question. And when you doubt something as essential as your faith it really rocks the boat of your life.

I can write about it now because I see myself coming out of this. I’m starting to open up the conversation with God a little more now, and when you do that you’re bound to get a response. Is my faith stronger because I had this period of questions? Honestly, I don’t know. I want to say yes. What is most important right now is that my faith is still a part of my life. It still exists. Nothing like a little fire to test the faith right?

I think we owe it to God to seriously evaluate our faiths and really truly believe what we are professing. Are you tricking yourself? Are you afraid of doubting because you’re afraid of losing your faith? (Who isn’t?)

Really though, when you’re faith shapes and influences so much of your life, it’s terrifying to question. It’s difficult for me to imagine life without my faith. What would my family, my friends think of me? How long could I continue going to church and sing songs with lyrics that I didn’t believe?

So should we never question? I still have to say a resounding “no”. I think God wants a genuine faith, not a faith that only exists because of the security it provides. So question, doubt, discuss it with other people. It sucks. But you owe it to yourself, and to the big guy upstairs. Good luck.

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Have you lost faith?

I read Digg a lot, and for a community with a large percentage of atheists and agnostics, there are a surprising number of popular submissions about religion. Many of the articles concerning religion are fairly negative, and you can really feel the hostility towards religion when you read the comments. I actually plan on writing a response to this animosity towards faith on Digg, but that’s not for today.

The article I found today is very relevant to the blog here. It’s called ”Religion beat became a test of faith”
The author is a writer for the LA Times and the article describes his faith journey.

I recommend reading it, but here is a short synopsis- the author describes a sincere acceptance of Christ in his late 20’s and then outlines the tests his faith endured as the religion beat writer for the Times. His jobs exposes him to the darkest sides of Christianity, he starts to realize he cannot reconcile his questions about faith, and he eventually comes to realize that he can no longer believe in God. It is a heartfelt article, more of a memoir than anything else. As a Christian it is difficult to read, especially as the author describes the extreme hypocrisy within the church.

He reported much about the Catholic church sex scandal, and that seemed to affect him deeply. He also wrote about the TV network TBN, and how it’s leaders and pastors lived in appalling luxury, taking money from people with the promise that God will bless them for their generosity.
He concludes with this,

“My soul, for lack of a better term, had lost faith long ago — probably around the time I stopped going to church. My brain, which had been in denial, had finally caught up.

Clearly, I saw now that belief in God, no matter how grounded, requires at some point a leap of faith. Either you have the gift of faith or you don’t. It’s not a choice. It can’t be willed into existence. And there’s no faking it if you’re honest about the state of your soul.”

In a sense I agree with him, belief does require a leap of faith. Faith is pretty much defined that way. But I struggle with his statement that “you either have the gift of faith or you don’t.” I cannot believe that to be true. I think everyone has the capacity for faith. Why do some believe and some not? I have ideas, but really I don’t know at all.

My own fear

The article struck me most of all because I could relate to the author. I have some of the same questions about faith, and one of my greatest fears is that my faith will fade. However, while I can see and lament the problems within the church, I also can see a lot of Christians doing things right. At school, I know many amazing people that are yearning to serve God the best way possible. We should never ignore our hypocrisy, but we should also shouldn’t forget when we do things right.

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Faith and Doubt

Welcome to faithdoubt.com!
For my first post, I want to take the time to describe my vision for the site. If you like my ideas, I hope you’ll choose to return and join in the conversation.

Miguel de Unamuno said, “La fe sin duda es nada mas que muerte” which basically means, “Faith without doubt is dead.” I sincerely believe this to be true. Faith which does not question is stagnant, it does not grow. We must always be asking questions and seeking answers to stretch ourselves.

I am at a point in my life where I desire deeply to grow. I want this site to help people with that same desire. I don’t have all the answers, you don’t have all the answers, so why don’t we try and find some together?

Here is a sampling of the topics I’m interested in exploring-
Science and religion (Christianity in particular)
Hate towards religion and faith
Hate because of religion and faith
Scripture reflections
Medicine, Suffering and Christianity
Issues in Christianity
Poverty
Education
Church: what should it look like?
Aid and development
Charity
Politics
Books (quotes)
Relationships
Universalism
Theology

Those are just some ideas. I have many more.
So that’s it, I hope you decide to engage in the conversation. I hope to blog about once a day. Please leave comments on posts, and feel free to send me an email at krager21@spu.edu

Also, I don’t want this to be serious all the time, I want to have some fun too. On that note, I leave you with a quote from the great Michael Scott-
“People I respect… heroes of mine would be, Bob Hope. Umm, Abraham Lincoln definitely. Bono… and probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think, all those people helped, the world in so many ways that it’s umm really beyond words. It’s incalcucable.”

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