Death

A cheery title, eh?

Wednesday I had the exhilarating experience of shadowing an ER doctor at a local hospital. It was quite incredible and I hope to do it again sometime. I was only there for four hours, but so much happened in that time. It’s difficult to describe, but really it’s similar to what’s on TV, except more real. Yeah, I know that’s probably not very helpful. TV has the main elements correct (the chaos, the variety of personalities, the competency of the doctors) but it misses the minor details (like the fumbling of tools and people being unattractive). That’s the best I can describe it.

Seeing Death Up Close

The most significant encounter at the ER for me was when an elderly woman was brought in with a ruptured aorta. We had actually known that she was coming for about an hour, and when her condition was described many doctors expressed doubt at the possibility of her survival. She was flown to the hospital by helicopter, and actually I’m not even sure how her aorta was ruptured (it was difficult to ask questions, and seriously they speak a completely different language). At least 8 doctors were around when they brought her in and several nurses. After a flurry of activity, I heard someone say that they felt no pulse. One of the doctors performed CPR, and for a short time it seemed to work. However, shortly after they had no reading on her pulse again. A doctor said, “Someone should call it.” Most of the doctors then looked at the doctor I was shadowing (who was the attending ER doctor) and he put up his hands as if to say “alright”. I was expecting the dramatic, “Time of death, 5:15″, but instead a doctor said, “My clock says 5:15.” And then I left the room following the attending as he went to see other patients.

Crazy.

I’d never seen anyone die before. While I wouldn’t describe it as disturbing, it definitely affected me. The whole experience surrounding it was overwhelming, so much was going on that it was difficult to process it all at once. All that to say, it’s got me thinking about death.

What is death?

I have never lost someone that was incredibly close to me. I’ve been close to people who have lost close relatives and friends, but I haven’t had that experience firsthand.
I’ve heard death described as a natural part of life. That seems reasonable, but I doubt it would be much comfort to someone who has lost someone close. I’ve discussed the “non-existence of death”, which is the idea that death itself is not an entity, but rather just the absence of life. Like how darkness is not a thing itself, but just the absence of light. But light never disappears completely. It always goes somewhere. Is life the same way? Does our “life” leave our bodies and go somewhere else?

The whole concept is still very difficult for me to grasp. I’ve been taught about death (and eternal life) growing up in the Christian faith, but the idea is not easy to understand. Maybe the whole “non-existent” thing is why it’s difficult?

I feel like many people live in fear of death. I do not want to die, but I don’t have a feeling of fear when I think about my death. I have my faith which assures me that I will continue to exist after my physical death. What I do fear is losing other people. The idea of someone close not existing on this earth anymore is foreign. I can’t wrap my head around it. I hope I don’t have to experience it any time soon.

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